Who would not like to have a perfect marriage? Well, if you do, that is probably one of the main reasons you are not happy in your marriage because there is not such a thing. Every marriage has problems. Your attitude in taking responsibility for those problems and doing your part in trying to improve yourself can be a great help to you. You can affect change in your relationship single handedly and any change you make, can affect your partner. This is what I call the "butterfly effect". What you do different, will be felt in your marriage, for better or for worse. In writing about how to improve your marriage, I want you to first take responsibility for your part. Tell yourself, I will stop trying to change my husband and I will work on what I can do to change myself.
Marriages usually go through 5 phases. The first is the honeymoon phase. That is when everything is great and glorious. You want to be together, you enjoy each other's companies and can't get enough of it. The second phase is when you discover that your partner is not perfect and in fact has some very annoying behaviors. You are really surprised that this is the case. The third phase is when you try really hard to change your partner's annoying behaviors and tell yourself, "If he changes, I will be happy." This is the most dangerous of all the phases. It is here that most couples get divorced. They do that hoping that their next choice will not have the same problems, and most often they are right. Their next choice usually doesn't have the same problems, it has different problems. The fourth phase is when you tell yourself that you are going to accept your partner and change yourself. The fifth phase is a return of the honeymoon phase but at a more mature and gratifying level. So, what is the number one thing you should do to improve your marriage? Stop trying to improve your partner and look at how to improve yourself. Ask yourself the question, "What can I do that would make it more likely that my partner would want to make the changes I want?" This is possibly the most important thing you can do to improve your marriage.
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I think this is a great idea!
ReplyDeleteRoselene - I do have the perfect marriage! It is perfectly unpredicatable, perfectly flawed, and my wife and I are perfectly committed to making it past our own deficiencies. It occurs to me that good marriages need constant renewal, a measure of consideration (being considerate of one another) and ongoing forgiveness for all of the screw ups either spouse will inevitabley make. This is not unlike what is needed to maintain an excellent relationship with diety and is very nearly as important.
ReplyDeleteMost marriages today contain a measure of abuse that tears the marriage and marriage partners apart. I'm not talking about physical, verbal or emotional abuse necessarily, but the way many people abuse thier spouse through a general lack of consideration. Our spouse is the last person towards whom we should be inconsiderate, but too often is the first person with whom we take liberties.
I've been married for almost 30 years and we've raised 4 amazing children. I adore my wife and know that the only way this continues to work is if we both continue to choose to love each other, tolerate each other's imperfections, and never give up!